Child Therapists Want Parents To Stop Doing This 1 Thing During Meals

It’s hard to imagine a time when “screen time” isn’t a hot-button topic, right? Perhaps especially for parents.

The problems that come with spending too much time on screens are pretty well-known. A 2023 study points to effects such as eye strain, neck pain, depression, anxiety, decreased well-being and more.

Yet, with technology advancing and taking us all by storm – and with the necessity of a Ms. Rachel video when you’re trying to finish doing the dishes, for example – the urge to give kids a phone, tablet or some TV is all too real.

If it helps, child therapists believe that screen time isn’t the absolute worst thing. There are just factors you need to consider as you establish healthy boundaries.

Below, find the one thing they wish adults would be better with when it comes to kids and screen time, along with some other advice to help you navigate it.

Perhaps it’s not about controlling your child’s screen time, but your own.

Research published in the journal JAMA Pediatrics suggests that parents use screens during mealtime more often than kids do, and that this habit can interfere with interpersonal relationships.

Another study in 2023 found that kids’ emotional intelligence can be directly affected by parents’ smartphone use. Additionally, a study published in 2025 found that caregivers’ smartphone use during conversations with children is associated with increased anger and sadness in children during those interactions, potentially negatively affecting their well-being.

A recent study published in August found that caregivers’ screen use directly affected kids’ vocabulary. According to the authors, parental smartphone use may be a “meaningful indicator” of “risk for poorer language outcomes, highlighting the importance of considering screen use at the family level when evaluating children’s language development.”

“Children learn through watching you,” said Ciara Bogdanovic, a psychotherapist and the owner and founder of Sagebrush Psychotherapy. “If you want your child to have healthy boundaries with technology, you have to model those boundaries yourself.”

Fiona Yassin, a child, adolescent and family psychotherapist, and the founder and clinic director of The Wave Clinic, echoed this. “Set a positive example for your young person by having screen-free time,” she said. “Put your phone out of sight at meal times or in the evening, and be aware of using your phone for long periods or whilst you’re around family and friends.”

Further, she encouraged setting a time limit for yourself and your family, then reflecting together on how it made you feel. Certain mobile apps (such as Screen Time, Forest and AntiSocial) can help limit phone time, according to a 2023 study.

Examining and adjusting your own phone habits can have a huge impact; experts said there are a few other habits you might want to implement in order to encourage a healthy relationship with screens. Here are a few:

“If I could get parents to shift one thing about the way they think about screen time, it would be to worry a little less about the exact number of minutes and pay more attention to what the screen is replacing,” said Farah Downs, a licensed school psychologist in Florida who provides therapy to children and works closely with parents.

She gave the example of a child playing a video game for 45 minutes after sleeping well, moving their body, spending time with people and doing what they need to do, versus the game taking the place of sleep, homework, time outside or family time.

Downs added that a screen can be helpful at times. “A tablet on a long flight or when you really need to finish something is not something I think parents need to feel guilty about,” she said. “But if we automatically hand over a device every time a child gets restless at dinner or complains that a line is taking too long, we may be solving the immediate problem while taking away a chance for them to practice waiting and managing a little discomfort.”

Wildaliz Caro, a licensed clinical psychologist with expertise in child and adolescent mental health and development, agreed that screen time can be a problem, but isn’t always, for those reasons.

“Screen usage becomes a concern when it replaces essential childhood experiences needed to develop the ability to function in the world around them, such as coping with boredom, interpreting social cues, managing frustration, developing the capacity for creative thinking (using one’s imagination) and learning to find ways to engage in leisure-time activity without constant stimulation,” she said.

It’s not about whether an app or device is “good” or “bad,” she continued, but whether the child can practice being a child outside of it. She encouraged aiming for balance versus perfection. When teasing out the latter, consider letting your child be part of the conversation.

“I encourage families to sit down together and talk honestly about both the good things screens can provide, as well as what can happen when screens start taking up too much of the day,” said Kara Duraccio, a licensed clinical psychologist who specialises in children and adolescents, as well as a consultant and content writer for The Good and the Beautiful. “I often come back to the same question: What do we want childhood to have room for?”

She discussed how a mix of things – such as sleep, school, time outside, reading, chores, hobbies, unstructured play, time with family and time with friends – helps kids thrive and should be prioritised.

“Once those pieces are in place, families can decide together where screens fit and what screen-based rules will best support their day,” Duraccio said. “I’ve found that kids are much more willing to buy into screen limits when they have some voice in creating them and when the expectations apply to everyone.”

Tammy Gold, a caregiving and family systems expert and licensed therapist, encouraged focusing less on whether screen time is bad and more on how it can help you understand your child.

She encouraged asking open-ended questions, such as: What do you like to do online? Who do you like to follow and why? How are you using these apps? Are you talking to people? Why do you find these accounts interesting? How do these apps make you feel?

“I have worked with many parents and teens and used it as a bridge to help advocate the teens’ wants and also implement the parents’ desires [of] safety,” Gold said. “The teens appreciate parents asking in a manner that does not shame, punish, embarrass or upset them.”

Within those conversations, she continued, you can make sure no one is bullying or harming your child, and offer some general online safety tips. Certain apps can help you monitor your child’s internet safety, too.

As a parent or caregiver, you’re allowed to set rules and expect them to be followed – and explaining your reasoning can help kids understand and listen. It can also help during nuanced situations.

“We want to show our kids that we have intentionality around our screens and our phones, and we never want our phones or our screens to come between our child and ourselves,” said Amy Vigliotti, a licensed child and adult psychologist and founder of the New York-based group therapy practice SelfWorks.

For example, if you have a rule saying no phones at the dinner table, but also have an important call that evening, be transparent with your kids.

Vigliotti suggested saying something like, “Hey, I know as a family, we don’t have screens or phones at the dinner table. Tonight, I am waiting for an important call, so I may have to step away from the table and take it.”

Situations and conversations like these also model how screen time can affect relationships. Phones and other technology can inhibit real-life conversation and make kids without a phone feel left out.

Essentially, screen time isn’t all bad, but child therapists say it definitely has a time and place for both you and your child.