Kids have been back to school for a few weeks now – and if you’ve noticed your child has regressed somewhat in this time, you certainly aren’t alone.
There might be more bed-wetting or daytime accidents than normal. Perhaps they’re reverting to baby talk, not sleeping well or being extra clingy.
September is the “peak season” for kids to regress, according to experts at childcare provider Koru Kids.
It makes sense that this is the case. Lots of change happens in September – some children are starting new schools, joining new year groups or going into new nurseries.
There’s a big shift in routine (compared to over the summer when lie-ins and lazy days were the norm), not to mention new teachers and classmates to get to know.
On top of that, after a summer spent around family, kids suddenly face long periods of time separated from their loved ones.
It’s stressful – and for some kids, this means they revert back to younger ways. It’s almost like a built-in safety net.
According to Koru’s experts, regression can look like: clinginess or separation anxiety; thumb sucking and/or nail biting; toileting accidents; baby talk and needing help with things they could previously do on their own.
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What can parents do about it?
The good news is your child isn’t going backwards or getting stuck in bad habits, Koru notes that most kids’ behaviour will settle when they feel secure again.
And again, it’s worth highlighting, regression is super common.
But there are certain things parents can be doing to help ease their child’s stress levels during this time.
This includes: offering connection when you do see them (cuddles and playtime always helps), keeping routines steady and predictable, helping them to name what they’re going through (ie. “there have been lots of changes this week, it’s OK to need a bit more help!”), and avoiding shaming or mocking them.
The childcare experts note that regression is a child’s way of saying: “Life feels big right now – I need to feel little until I’m ready again.”
And it’s our job to help them through this period.
If your child’s regression lasts for more than three weeks though, don’t be afraid to speak to a healthcare provider, who can offer more support.
The importance of downtime
Sometimes it can help to offer more opportunities for downtime and calming rituals after school or nursery.
This is also helpful for those experiencing after-school restraint collapse, a very common phenomenon parents notice when their child is hungry and/or tired, and returns home from school or nursery. Kids will be super emotional and there may be multiple meltdowns.
Susie Pinchin, BACP member and therapeutic counsellor, previously told HuffPost UK these issues likely occur as a result of a child “having spent seven hours or more having to control or suppress or mask their natural urges and desires in order to conform to the expectations of a school day”.
Your child’s brain is working at full capacity for hours on end, expending “a great deal of emotional, cognitive, and social energy to scan, learn, manage expectations, follow rules, and navigate relationships”, Dr Patapia Tzotzoli, clinical psychologist and founder of My Triage Network, added.
So it’s no wonder then that they return home depleted. Or that they might crave more support and connection.
Dr Tzotzoli recommended a few options you could offer that might help:
- A quiet space to rest or engage in a calm activity alone
- Time to play outdoors – running, biking, or other active play
- A nutritious snack to refuel
- A gentle discussion with questions like, “What made you laugh today?”.
