I work a corporate job in the NYC area, which is to say that I work in a very alcohol-centric industry in a very alcohol-centric city.
Some of my daily responsibilities include building and maintaining strong working relationships with brokers and clients, negotiating difficult terms in various markets and entertaining clients to show our appreciation for their business.
It’s the first role I’d ever had with a distinct schmoozing aspect to it, and in most industries in corporate America, alcohol is seen as one of the ways business is done.
This is complicated for me, since I got sober right before I started my job. While I was spending my days trying to navigate a new job in a new industry with an unfamiliar market climate, I was also trying to establish my sobriety in a way that felt authentic to me.
I’ve gained a significant amount of confidence in the last four years in both my sobriety and this role, but the alcohol culture of corporate America has not let up in the slightest.
There is an unspoken work benefit to being at corporate happy hours or nightlife events. I personally have been able to use information a broker let slip after too many drinks to improve my team’s negotiation strategy.
In an internal meeting a couple days later, someone jokingly said, “That’s why we take them drinking.” Chuckles from every end of the table.
Photo Courtesy Of Sydney Allen
Building strong professional relationships with colleagues, clients and brokers obviously makes my job easier. The most common and convenient way to build these relationships is over drinks. And among co-workers, alcohol has evolved to be the unifying factor when we’re off the clock.
Recently at a two-day corporate conference, just about every speaker mentioned alcohol in some way, like making joking references to “the open bar” or “being tired from last night”. And by their reaction, the crowd seemed to think every alcohol-related joke was the funniest thing they had heard all day.
I’m the only thing standing between you and the bar, hardy-har-har. It made me picture a room full of starving dogs, frothing at the mouth, preparing to devour this executive if his speech ran one minute past 4:30pm.
Forget the buffet. Forget the five-minute laydown to recharge after a full day of “Hi, my name is…” Forget the emails piling up in our inboxes for the sake of team building. Where’s the fucking vodka?
Despite the fact that the concept of a “three martini lunch” feels as outdated as smoking cigarettes in the office, every time I hear a reference to alcohol or over-consumption at a corporate event, I wonder if alcohol is still our unifying factor at work. Is drinking alcohol truly the only common ground you can find between the C-suite execs and the daily grunts?
Whenever I hear talk like this – on broadcasts, stages or even in small breakout rooms – I always feel a little embarrassed for the person speaking. I see it as such a missed opportunity. They presumably have an entire life outside of work that makes them the person they are. I want to know about those things, I want to see the family photos from your most recent holiday. Tell me about your hobbies, or what your son is interested in. How many years have you had your favourite sweatpants? What time do you walk your dog each morning?
I thoroughly enjoy the personal anecdotes any speaker provides – this is where I went to college, this is me with my family at a football game last weekend, I am training for a marathon.
I like to picture intimidating CFOs in sweatpants on the sofa when I’m anxious in a meeting. Let me imagine you in your home, in your element, outside of work.
I try hard not to minimise a whole person to their drinking patterns. But I hate it when the person on stage minimises the crowd to our assumed drinking patterns.
Gen Zs, who are now part of the corporate culture, are known to drink less than previous generations. Some millennials are also choosing to drink less, making it very likely that there is at least one person in every room who is sober or sober curious.
And these generations are the future of corporate America. When the department head gets on stage and rolls in laughter at his (or her) alcohol-based joke, it can make them seem just as out of touch as forgetting to unmute on the weekly Zoom meeting.
More unfortunately, it is also very likely that there is at least one person in the room who is grappling with what they feel is a toxic relationship with alcohol.
Someone may be listening to that speech as they sweat out shame and anxiety. Someone in the audience may be mortified by the way they acted last night. Someone may be struggling to get a grip on their alcohol use, and those jokes about being excited for the open bar might be all the reason they need to keep drinking for one more night.
As a sober person who doesn’t often tell people I’m sober, I need you to know that using alcohol as the default bond in a workspace isn’t inclusive; it’s isolating. I quit drinking because I couldn’t handle my liquor, and I couldn’t afford to keep trying.
Whether you’re speaking to a 3,000-person conference or a Zoom meeting with two other attendees, assuming that we’re comfortable with a heavy-drinking culture is tone-deaf, unprofessional and could be harmful.
People often form genuine friendships at work that go beyond the scope of employment – coworkers we invite to our weddings or take vacations with. When we look for common denominators outside of alcohol, we are able to find bonds that are deeper and stronger than comparing the number of Advil everyone had to take that morning.
From a bottom-line perspective, those are the bonds that are going to drive and motivate employees. From a personal one, respecting and honouring each individual’s identity makes employees feel safe, supported and happy at work.
Sydney Allen is a writer who explores the intersection of alcohol, motherhood, identity and modern wellness culture. On her Substack, This Is Not Okay, Sydney explores how alcohol has been historically marketed to women, from “Mommy wine culture” to workplace drinking norms.
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