From what we’ve seen on sitcoms, novels, social media and the brunch table, we carry plenty of assumptions about men and sex.
We think we know how often they think about it, what they want, what they’re attracted to and what they’re looking for in the bedroom.
Meanwhile, women can carry their own share of shame around sex, allowing insecurities or perceived flaws to get in the way of pleasure and intimacy. Many of us are engaging in sex with a bunch of things on our minds, or too afraid to ask for what we really want.
But what if we just asked men?
There are plenty of things men wish the women they sleep with knew about sex, and they’re not necessarily the kinds of things that come up on a first date. These are the thoughts, feelings, preferences and little truths that can be harder to say out loud, even with someone you’re intimate with.
Obviously, sex should always be about what you both want and feel comfortable with, but it’s helpful to know what’s going on in their mind in the meantime.
So, we asked 13 men what they would want women to know about sex. Their answers were funny, reassuring, occasionally obvious, and at times surprisingly vulnerable. We never would’ve guessed some of these answers.
Here’s what they had to say.
What do you wish women knew about sex?
“Sometimes I want to be the little spoon.” — Liam S.
“Being turned on with nothing to do about it is actually so uncomfortable. It’s not your fault, and you don’t need to do anything about it, but it’s just a painful fact.” — Noah M.
“You don’t need to look like a supermodel. That’s not what I’m after, I want your body how it is. I don’t think women know how sexy we find them as they are.” — Freddie M.
“During blow jobs, don’t neglect the balls.” — John J.
NanoStockk via Getty Images
“Putting a condom on can be a lot of pressure, so please help to keep the vibe sexy. Touch us or yourself, say hot things. Nothing is worse than going flat in the process.” — Mattie R.
“We are insecure, too. Just like it helps you to hear how beautiful and sexy you are, it would be really nice to get some compliments back.” — Toby M.
“Don’t just touch our genitals. Touch us around our whole body, please.” — David W.
“Please make it clear when you orgasm. One, because it’s hot. Two, because it’s helpful to know we’re doing stuff right.” — Arthur H.
“Please don’t force it if you’re not in the mood. That feels awful for us, too. I never want you to be pressured to be intimate with me.” — Samuel J.
“You look so good in doggy style. I know some women worry about how prominent their butthole is in that position, but I promise you men could not care less! We’re too obsessed with your body and how good it feels.” — Ben N.
“Reverse cowgirl is more terrifying than enjoyable. Yes, we love the view, but the angle is scary so we’re just worried about breaking our penis.” — Joshua D.
“Men don’t always want sex more than women do, that’s outdated and just makes us feel ashamed of our lower sex drive. It’s great if you want sex more often, but please stop making us feel like we’re the problem then, as you wouldn’t like that back.” — Josh B.
“No one cares if you fart or make other noises. Please don’t be embarrassed. Our brains are focused on something very different in that moment. You’re allowed to be human, too.” — Reiss S.
