Weddings can range from low-key and intimate to extravagant and, well, expensive.
If guests cancel on the day – or a few days before – it can be inconvenient for couples to try and find someone else to fill the newly-opened slot.
But sometimes it can’t be helped, whether that’s because a person’s childcare falls through, norovirus hits, or some other emergency prevents you from attending.
One couple claimed they’d been hit with a bill of $260 (£195) after cancelling three days before an acquaintance’s big day “due to being sick”.
Taking to r/weddingshaming, they added that the fee requested by the couple “is wild to me, especially in this economy”.
“Just don’t pay them,” said one of the commenters in response to the post.
“That’s absolutely ridiculous, I’d sent them $5 gift card to the Dollar Tree and never talk to them again. Such entitlement,” added another.
An etiquette expert has thoughts on charging guests who drop out
“Charging a wedding guest for their meal/seat suggests this is some sort of ‘business transaction’,” she said. “This is not a charity event, or corporate fundraiser. As such, charging a ‘no show’ is poor form.”
That said, cancelling on a wedding last-minute can also be “poor form” – it just depends on the reason and/or context.
When is it acceptable to cancel as a wedding guest?
The etiquette expert notes that late cancellations are not always rude, as there are usually valid reasons for people pulling out. “In fact, I would say most ‘late’ cancellations (between zero days to three weeks) are usually not rude,” she said.
“Being invited to a wedding is an incredible honour – most of us put due consideration into our capacity to attend, and don’t send off an RSVP that we will attend willy-nilly. Not if we have any sense of human decency.
“We check our schedule. We plan ahead. We make arrangements for babysitters. We say no to other things. This is what a considerate human does.”
But if you’ve had an accident, you’re in hospital, a parent has fallen seriously ill, your childcare has fallen through and nobody else in your circle can help, cancelling sometimes cannot be helped.
If you’re cancelling because you double-booked something else however, that is rude, Hayes added.
But even if you didn’t have a valid reason for cancelling, the etiquette said it is still “poor form” for married couples to ask guests to pay for their seat.
“This comes down to another life rule: when others go low, you go high. Don’t lower your manners to their low standard,” she ended.
Instead, you can communicate how you feel about the cancellation: “That it was last-minute, for a seemingly ‘invalid’ reason, and how it meant an empty seat – or that you had to rush around contacting other ‘waiting list’ guests to invite them to take your seat.”
