Dialectical Thinking Explained – And Why We Need More Of It In Society

We live in a society where more of us turn to the internet than go to therapy.

To be fair, therapy isn’t for everyone all of the time, and it can be expensive. Plus, therapy isn’t the sole place where we can learn helpful, prosocial mindsets.

That said, many of us need to practice a certain therapeutic skill (though scrolling on social media will convince you otherwise). It’s called “dialectical thinking,” and guess what? You just read an example of it.

“Dialectical thinking essentially means being able to hold two seemingly opposing ideas or feelings simultaneously, recognising that both can be true,” said Rebecca Lesser Allen, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles who integrates dialectical behaviour therapy into her work with clients.

“In practice, it looks like taking opposing views into consideration at the same time to get a better understanding of whatever is being considered,” added Golee Abrishami, a clinical psychologist and the vice president of clinical care at Octave, who helps oversee the program’s DBT Center of Excellence. “Think of it as the fulcrum in the middle of a seesaw.”

Abrishami believes that dialectical thinking is “a universally effective skill” that holds weight in many areas of our lives, from political differences to mental health to relationships to physical health. Consider these examples:

• “I’m doing well, and I have room to improve.”
• “My parents did their best, and they still hurt me.”
• “Technology connects us, and it can also isolate us.”
• “Getting myself to the gym is hard, and I can do it.”
• “I don’t have perfect lab results, and I’m generally healthy.”
• “I don’t agree with their opinion, and I can still be their friend.”
• “I feel fulfilled and grateful for my life, and I also feel frustrated, exhausted and resentful of how much I manage.”
• “I’m trying to feel more confident about my body, and I’m upset about gaining weight.”
• “I feel hurt by what my partner said, and I can understand why they were frustrated.”

Notice all the ands and the lack of buts? That’s a cornerstone of dialectics.

“When teaching clients to think more dialectically, I talk about thinking in terms of ‘yes, and’ or simply trying to replace the word ‘but’ with ‘and,’” Allen said.

Does that perspective sound less familiar, especially when you’re doomscrolling? That makes sense: the internet has reduced this type of thinking.

“With the rise of social media and increased political polarisation, I’ve noticed an enormous increase in black-and-white thinking,” Allen said. “In my experience, the online world has very little tolerance for this kind of complex thinking, which is unfortunate because this is often where true growth actually happens.”

Allen and Abrishami listed some explanations:

• Algorithms reward strong sentiments instead of balanced views.
• Short formats inherently favour “hot takes” over nuanced takes on complex problems.
• Extreme statements are more likely to get engagement.
• Social media favours speed and quick reactions, leaving little time for reflection.
• A lot of content is optimised as clickbait, which reduces nuance.
• We’re consuming information rapidly, which also lessens nuance.

Plus, a study found that X can quickly shift your politics to the right. It’s scary.

“It’s unlikely that the influencer or social media personality who takes a long time to talk all around a point they are trying to make would have many followers or likes,” Abrishami added.

Again, this affects many facets of our lives. Influencers may have “hot takes” about certain fitness trends, political beliefs, dating tips and much more.

Why would Abrishami consider dialectical thinking a “universally effective skill”? For several reasons, really.

“When you use dialectical thinking, it helps you arrive at better decisions because you’ve considered more perspectives, leading to more confidence and resolve in the final decision,” she said. “Between people, it’s an effective way of approaching problems because it lowers defensiveness and shows openness to diverse ways of thinking, effectively opening room for a dialogue.”

Democracies depend on different people and different viewpoints, she continued, and leaders need to consider them all. That builds trust.

“In politics, not too long ago, it used to be commonly referred to as ‘working across the aisle,’ and sadly, this is a phrase we rarely hear,” Abrishami said. “Imagine if our leaders were able to say something like, ‘Individual freedom matters, and so does the common good.’”

Allen added that, while it may sound counterintuitive, this “grey thinking” can be powerful in political spaces. She said it’s “one of the most powerful ways to help someone reconsider a firmly held belief”.

Why? It makes change easier; it’s a “baby step” and a middle ground.

“If we’re trying to shift someone’s political opinion, for example, or help them become more tolerant of something they find threatening, approaching them with rigidity and certainty is unlikely to get us very far,” Allen explained.

“Gently making space for conflict, ambiguity, nuance and different perspectives creates much more opportunity for someone to reconsider their position without feeling that they have to abandon everything they believe.”

Dialectics also benefit relationships on a micro level. Allen referred to the example of feeling hurt by your partner’s words and understanding their frustration.

“Being able to hold both of these truths doesn’t mean dismissing your own feelings or excusing someone else’s behaviour,” she explained. “It means recognising that two different experiences can coexist.”

Last but not least, “finding the grey space,” as Allen would put it, can help internally. It can reduce painful internal conflict, increase tolerance of conflicting feelings and foster self-compassion and resilience in the face of uncertainty.

In today’s America, it’s hard to imagine more dialectical thinking — and it’s possible. (See? A dialectic!)

“Increasing dialectical thinking is something anyone can do, [even] when the problems are highly emotional,” Abrishami said. To do so, she and Allen recommended the following:

• Notice when you’re engaging in black-and-white thinking versus dialectical thinking. (Hint: It’s often a response to anxiety, fear or uncertainty.)
• Talk to a DBT therapist.
• Prompt an internal dialectic by asking yourself, “What would someone who disagrees with me say?” and try to answer thoroughly.
• Slow down and take time to think before responding.
• Draw a line on a piece of paper, write the most extreme views on each end and work toward the middle with increasingly balanced views to show yourself different perspectives.
• Swap “but” for “and” to show your brain that opposing truths can coexist.

“Very few things in life can actually be characterised as all good or all bad, all right or all wrong,” Allen concluded.

“The more comfortable we become holding those contradictions within ourselves, the more capable we become of making room for complexity in other people, our relationships and the world around us.”