After months of relentless heatwaves, which left many of us sweating profusely and unable to sleep at night, cooler weather’s finally here, properly heralding the start of cosy season.
It’s perhaps no surprise then that our sex lives might take a turn for the better (or possibly, the worst) come autumn.
Vanessa Cushing, a sex and couples therapist and founder at Cushing Counselling, said some people can experience an increase in sexual desire in autumn, while others notice the opposite.
“Shorter days, cooler temperatures, and changes in daily routines can all influence how interested we feel in sex,” she told HuffPost UK.
Sexual desire is influenced by two interacting systems, she explained, “sexual excitation” and “sexual inhibition”.
“I often explain these to clients as the accelerator and brakes of sexual desire. Our accelerator responds to things that encourage sexual arousal, such as physical touch, attraction, novelty, and emotional connection,” said the therapist.
“Our brakes respond to things that inhibit arousal, such as stress, anxiety, exhaustion, relationship conflict, or feeling overwhelmed.”
And seasonal changes can influence both.
How can autumn impact our sex lives?
1. Hormonal changes
Louise Gentle, principle lecturer in wildlife conservation at Nottingham Trent University, suggested that, like our pals in the animal kingdom, humans have a “breeding season” – and we’re in it.
She wrote for The Conversation that testosterone levels rise in autumn, particularly in males, “linked to a decrease in daylight and increased social activity indoors”.
“This leads to more conceptions around November and December, with a subsequent peak in births the following August and September, nine months after the hormone surge,” she added, pointing out that it’s “no wonder” the most common birthday falls on 26 September.
Nicole Everingham, a Brighton-based relationship and dating coach, highlighted that some studies have found testosterone levels peak around autumn (“interestingly, this is also mating season for animals such as deer and elk, although seasonal hormonal changes in humans are far less pronounced,” she added).
And this hormonal shift could potentially influence sexual desire.
“But hormones are only part of the picture. Our mood, energy, stress levels and how connected we feel to our partner all play a part,” she added.
Cushing noted that libido is much more complicated than a single hormone: “Someone can have perfectly normal testosterone levels and still experience low sexual desire because of stress, relationship conflict, depression, or exhaustion.”
2. More time spent indoors and increased closeness
Cooler weather can also encourage couples to spend more time together at home, creating opportunities for cuddling, kissing, and other forms of physical affection.
“From a sex therapy perspective, this is particularly relevant because of the distinction between spontaneous and responsive sexual desire,” Cushing explained.
“Spontaneous desire is when someone experiences sexual interest seemingly out of nowhere. Responsive desire, on the other hand, develops after pleasurable stimulation, affection, or emotional connection has already begun.
“For someone who experiences responsive desire, spending more relaxed, affectionate time with their partner may create opportunities for sexual interest to emerge naturally.”
All of that said, Cushing notes that proximity doesn’t always create desire.
“Emotional connection and the quality of time spent together matter much more than simply being in the same room,” she added.
Everingham notes that sitting next to each other on the sofa and scrolling through your phones isn’t necessarily “quality time”.
“It’s worth making some of that time more intentional e.g. cook together, put your phones away, have a proper conversation or enjoy being affectionate without expecting it to lead to sex. Those smaller moments of connection matter,” she said.
3. Reduced daylight and changes in mood
While the cosiness of autumn can make us want to truly embrace “cuffing” season, for some it can have the opposite effect thanks to the lack of daylight.
“As daylight hours decrease, our circadian rhythms and sleep patterns can shift. Light exposure helps regulate our internal biological clocks, and seasonal changes can influence mood, energy, and motivation,” said Cushing.
For those who experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or seasonal depressive symptoms, autumn and winter can decrease sexual interest. “Depression often reduces our capacity to experience pleasure, and that can include sexual pleasure,” the expert added.
4. Stress and routine change
Other factors that can put a bit of a dampener on your sex life include stress – and come autumn, there’s plenty of it. As Cushing notes, this season brings the return of school schedules, demanding work routines, and preparations for the holidays.
“For some couples, returning to a predictable routine creates stability and reduces stress. For others, the additional responsibilities can negatively affect their sex lives,” she said, noting that stress is one of the most common factors she sees contributing to low sexual desire in her clinical practice.
How can couples make the most of these seasonal changes in their relationship?
1. Prioritise physical affection without making sex the expectation
“One of the biggest mistakes couples make is treating every affectionate interaction as something that needs to lead to sex,” said Cushing.
But the issue is, when someone feels that cuddling or kissing means an obligation for sexual activity, they may actually begin avoiding affection altogether.
“I encourage couples to engage in physical intimacy without a predetermined outcome,” she suggested.
“Spend time cuddling, giving massages, or kissing simply because those experiences feel good. Ironically, removing the pressure to have sex can sometimes create more space for desire to emerge.”
2. Embrace the seasonal change
Leigh Norén, a sex and relationship therapist, recommends truly embracing autumn and the changes it brings.
“Embracing the seasonal changes in relationships means actively planning for things you can do indoors that still boost curiosity within the relationship and introduce novelty,” she said.
“You could watch a new documentary together about something neither of you know anything about, and have a conversation following it. You could take on a small DIY project together. You could take turns planning a date night indoors where the goal is to surprise one another with a new meal.
“You could even invest in purchasing something like a deck of cards or other couples games where the aim is to ask one another stimulating questions – sexual or otherwise – to boost intimacy and closeness.”
Novelty is important, added Cushing, especially in long-term relationships where familiarity can sometimes reduce excitement.
“Research on self-expansion in relationships suggests that engaging in novel, exciting activities together can increase feelings of closeness and relationship satisfaction,” she said.
So, plan that weekend getaway, explore somewhere new, or create a different kind of date night at home.
3. Take advantage of responsive desire
Some people can mistakenly believe that they should feel sexually aroused before initiating any physical intimacy, said Cushing, but for people who experience responsive desire, “arousal may develop after they begin engaging in pleasurable, consensual physical or emotional experiences”.
She urges couples to take advantage of quieter autumn evenings by creating opportunities for connection, whether that’s taking a bath together, giving each other massages, or spending uninterrupted time cuddling.
“The key is approaching these experiences with curiosity rather than pressure. Neither partner should feel obligated to continue if they’re not interested,” she added.
4. Be mindful of seasonal mental health changes
For those who notice their sexual desire dwindles consistently as the days get shorter, consider whether mood, energy, or sleep patterns are changing too, as this may be a sign of seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
And if your partner isn’t “in the mood” because of mental health challenges, don’t take it personally.
“If your partner is experiencing lower libido because they’re exhausted or struggling with seasonal depression, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re less attracted to you,” said Cushing.
“Instead of interpreting reduced sexual interest as rejection, approach the conversation with curiosity and compassion.”
5. Have an intentional conversation about intimacy
Lastly, rather than assuming your partner wants more or less sex during a particular season, Cushing advises simply asking them.
“A question I often encourage couples to explore is, ‘What helps you feel most connected to me lately, and is there anything we could do differently to make intimacy feel more enjoyable?’,” she said.
“Sexual desire changes throughout our lives, and healthy couples learn to adapt rather than expecting their sex lives to remain exactly the same.”
She concluded that autumn can provide “a wonderful opportunity for couples to slow down and reconnect”. But caveats the season isn’t a magic solution for sexual desire.
“What matters most is whether couples use that additional time together to cultivate emotional safety, affection, novelty, and genuine intimacy.”
