ADHD can have a knock-on effect on many aspects of our lives – from making friends when we’re younger to toilet troubles to health (it’s been linked to 34 physical health issues in a major study).
But one area that is often “overlooked” when discussing the neurodevelopmental disorder in adulthood is the impact of symptoms of intimacy and sex, according to Dr Claudia Aymerich, consultant psychiatrist at Berkeley Psychiatrists.
Symptoms of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder are typically split into three key categories: inattention (which typically looks like struggling to pay attention, forgetfulness, and executive functioning issues), hyperactivity, and impulsivity.
While ADHD is commonly associated with difficulties concentrating at work, attention regulation can also affect what goes on in the bedroom.
“Sex demands sustained focus in the same way any other activity does, and since that’s exactly one of the functions ADHD affects, it would actually be more surprising if it didn’t show up during intimate moments as well,” said Dr Aymerich.
“Mind wandering is one of the most consistently documented features of adult ADHD, and research shows people with the condition experience it more frequently and more intensely than those without it, including during moments most people assume would hold their attention entirely.”
In other words, during sex.
“What I hear most often from patients is that their mind drifts somewhere completely unrelated: a bill that needs paying, a chore left undone, the dog barking outside, or even a conversation from earlier that day,” she continued.
“This doesn’t mean they’re bored or uninterested, it’s simply the way their brain is wired.”
The experience is “more common than most people realise”, she added, but “it’s rarely spoken about openly, even within the ADHD community”.
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A small study of 136 adults treated at a Dutch ADHD clinic found 39% of men and 43% of women with ADHD had symptoms of sexual dysfunction.
Specific issues include difficulty reaching orgasm (particularly among women) and premature ejaculation in men.
Dr Aymerich suggested that, in men, “a wandering mind can often disrupt the physical process building towards climax, which is reflected in the higher rates of premature or delayed ejaculation”.
Meanwhile in women, this can show up as difficulty with arousal and orgasm itself – often because “attention is being pulled away from physical sensation before it has a chance to build”.
“Sexual dysfunction is one of those symptoms patients rarely think to mention unless asked directly,” she added. “This is because many people blame themselves, or even quietly assume it says something about their relationship or their desire for their partner. However, the truth is it is a genuine and clinically proven symptom of ADHD.”
What can people with ADHD do about it?
If you find your mind wanders a lot during sex, the psychiatrist recommends speaking to your partner about it and explaining what’s actually happening.
“A wandering mind during sex is so easily misread as disinterest or waning attraction, when in reality it’s neither,” she said. “Naming it plainly as an ADHD symptom, rather than leaving a partner to fill in the gaps themselves, removes an enormous amount of unnecessary hurt and miscommunication.”
Small practical changes can also make a difference, such as: cutting environmental distractions, having a dim room and minimal noise, and leaving phones well out of sight, giving the brain less to compete with.
“Some couples find that introducing variety: a different position, pace, or setting, is enough to pull attention back when it starts to drift,” she added.
And if you take medication for your ADHD, it might be worth speaking to your prescriber too, as stimulant medication can sometimes dampen libido, while certain medications prescribed alongside ADHD, like antidepressants, can affect sexual function.
“Untangling what’s attention-related from what’s medication-related is something a specialist can genuinely help sort through,” added Dr Aymerich.
“Ultimately, I’d want anyone who recognises themselves in this to understand it isn’t a reflection of how much they care about their partner, and it’s nothing to feel ashamed of,” she ended.
“It’s a symptom, in the exact same way losing focus in a meeting or forgetting an appointment is a symptom, and just like every other ADHD symptom, it responds well to the right mix of understanding, communication, and, where it’s needed, treatment.”
